It Doesn't Much Matter Now

You'll never guess what I'm about to say next (yeah, right). I've been thinking a lot about a song from one of my friends (I wish she was my friend ... I wish I was HER, or at least as talented as she is), Sandra McCracken. The song's called "Eve." And the line I've been thinking about is the very first one in the song.

"Though the apple's still in her fist / she swears it shouldn't have to be like this. / She is now strung up and strung out from wherever you look / It doesn't much matter now how much she took."

"It doesn't much matter now how much she took." Ooohh ... I'm pretty sure I know how that feels. I've been there a few times myself ... at that place where I've felt so deeply entrenched in my sin, and so trapped there, it doesn't matter if I take another "bite" out of that apple. I mean, I'm this far in already! What's one more bite?

I'm thinking of one "idolatrous affection" in particular--one that I struggled with for a few years and one that the Lord mercifully delivered me from, although I still battle it from time to time (only now it takes different forms.) A few times I felt the way that Sandra describes. I experienced that hopeless despair which borders on complacency (do you know what I'm talking about?), all because I just couldn't see a way out. I mean ... I couldn't see a way out that didn't involve getting rid of my sin, that didn't involve letting go of my grip on that apple.

But one day not too long ago, I did let go. By God's grace, I understood that it really didn't "have to be like this." There was a different way--a better way--a way of freedom and a way of joy, without my sin and without that cursed apple.

Here's the rest of Sandra's song ... and the rest of MY song: "Your fallen worth and your falling tears have left you stranded there in the garden of your fears ... I'm calling you by name, come to Me and leave Your shame, though your kingdoms have crumbled down, though your kingdoms have crumbled down ..."